This story originally appeared on the Gents Cafe Newsletter. You can subscribe here.
It’s the weekend and you’re eager to visit that new place you found on Instagram. You’ve made your reservation two days ago, considered your outfit — that jacket everyone says is just so you, a neat pair of sneakers to show off your personality—and sprayed on a perfume with a hint of sandal at the end: we’re in the early weeks of autumn, after all.
Now tell me: what kind of food are you about to eat? Modernist? Good old Italian? Elegant sushi? A burger on a plastic tray? Does it truly matter? I don’t think it does.
Calm down, let me explain.
Sure, no one wants to eat bad food. As someone who’s been cooking for a living for the past twelve years, it bothers me too. But, given we’re getting decent food, maybe you should simply appreciate it and move on. It’s a conversation starter, an excuse to be together, building a memory both of you will cherish. Tell them how good your order turned out to be, have a bite of each other’s food.
Because a meal is not about food. A meal is about connection.
From the moment our ancestors came down from the trees to hunt together, the catch was shared among the group. It was the moment to pass lessons in the form of stories, to transmit knowledge to a younger generation. Or maybe just to bond. That need to be together and share food passed on to us — or else why would we host grand feasts to celebrate our birthdays? Why would big businessmen and women discuss their affairs over a meal?
I believe all this happens for the same reason we still tell and listen to stories each day more complex and sophisticated: because it is deeply rooted in ourselves. Especially today, when it is so easy to get caught up in the haste of everything, taking the time to eat with someone is a concrete form of affection, a way of saying “you matter enough for me to put my phone aside and spend time with you”.
We trick ourselves into believing it’s entirely possible to be a good friend, a good son, a good brother even, through social media DMs and funny memes. It’s convenient, right? But what do you remember more vividly: the last meme your best friend sent you, or that time the two of you ate a sketchy kebab after a concert? Food imposes itself. Beyond nutrition and flavour, food requires you to look at it, to savor it and to be present, as much as I still remember the first time I cooked meat over charcoal, twenty years ago, and you probably still remember your favourite Christmas dish growing up.
When you eat, you’re connecting. With family, with friends, with yourself. You’re partaking in a long tradition, just like Anthony Bourdain or your favourite food traveller: you’re saying, “I like food. You like it too — let’s start from there.”
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