This story originally appeared on the Gents Cafe Newsletter. You can subscribe here.
Men and women are largely taught different lessons as we grow up. For a man, we are raised to understand that our purposes in a relationship are to provide and protect. For all of our faults, those are places we cannot falter. But what about emotional connection? Sure, that is part of it, but merely a part that requires us to listen. To be a safe place for our partner’s feelings – never our own.
When it comes to being vulnerable, men struggle. I don’t have to tell you that, I am sure you struggle daily with it in some way or another. But why? Simply put, it is due to that original lesson about our purpose in a relationship. We have come to believe the misunderstanding that vulnerability is a weakness. And showing weakness goes against our ability to protect you. Weak men don’t protect. But what does this misunderstanding cause?
There were a lot of men who stated they believed their failed relationships could have been saved if they only opened up. No surprise there, right? The reason why it complicates a relationship is simple: a lack of vulnerability can feel like a lack of trust. You don’t trust your partner enough to open up. It makes them question the relationship as a whole. The truth is, it isn’t your partner you don’t trust, it’s yourself. Like the rest of us, you are afraid that if you open up, the floodgate of buried emotions won’t be easily shut off.
I am not saying you should cry to everyone you meet and show them your deepest vulnerabilities. However, you should have three people you never have to hide them from: your partner, your best friend, and yourself. The hard part is trusting all three of those people. However, it is imperative if you want to avoid this regret.
Parts 1, 2, 3 and 4 of this story originally appeared in Issue 84, 86, 87 and 88 of the Gents Cafe Newsletter. You can read them here, here, here and here.
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