This story originally appeared on the Gents Cafe Newsletter. You can subscribe here.
I once heard that life is like an ocean, and people on it are either sails or anchors. He said,”You need a fleet of ‘sails’ to get through it – people who inspire you and push you forward – and to stay away from the ‘anchors’ who sink you.”
It’s a philosophy to get on board with: to surround yourself with those who drive your will to do great things, and to avoid those who tell you why something wouldn’t work, or why that’s stupid, or worse yet, why even bother.
If life is like an ocean, then there will come times when it feels more like a puddle – frustrating, shallow, limited, painfully short. So having ‘sails’ around you makes a lot of sense. Because the more those around you push you forward, the more you can push those around you forward – and maybe you can all push the shallows of that puddle outward together.
But there will also be times where it feels more like a storm – scary, overwhelming, vast, painfully long. For this reason, my definition of an ‘anchor’ is different.
I’d call the people who sink you as ‘holes in the boat’, and I would call ‘anchors’ people who ground you, who make you appreciate life where it’s at, who help you be present. You need those, so you don’t miss out on celebrating the wins. So you don’t bypass gratitude, contentment, and reflection. So you don’t get swept up by life’s currents.
Because how do you know how far you’ve come if you don’t ever stop to see where you are? Like pain and pleasure, fear and joy, night and day, both sails and anchors are necessary for the other to hold value.
Ultimately, we’re human beings, and at some point, we ripped out the ‘being’ part and drilled in its capitalist-driven cousin, ‘doer’. We celebrate hustle as much as we sneer at inactivity. And in our haste to map the stars and justify our place among them, we forget to feel the warmth of the sun on our skin.
But perhaps more importantly, we need to acknowledge which role we’re playing in our own lives. Are we sails, anchors, or holes in our own boat? As much as life is like an ocean, if we don’t have a handle on the tides and waves of our own minds – if we’re not at one with it – we’re not going to be great at sailing it (or helping others get through it either).
It’s crucial to be sensitive and dialled into the interior monologues we play to ourselves every day. Be sensitive to elements that make up the human mind. If you sense a gust of wind, see how far it can take you. If you’re feeling out of sync, off track, or caught up in
the hustle, don’t be afraid to drop the anchor, take a breath. And, most certainly, don’t drill holes in your boat.
To sign off, I’ll paraphrase Leonard Cohen: if you’re not at one with the ocean, you’ll be seasick every day.
So let’s not get seasick.
