This story originally appeared on the Gents Cafe Newsletter. You can subscribe here.
A few years ago, I was visiting the Contemporary National Art Gallery in Berlin, and one of the exhibition pieces—a simple white text on a black plaque—resonated with me the most. Reading “You live the surprise results of old plans”, it is a quote by conceptual artist Jenny Holzer, appearing in her “Truisms” series.
At the time, I had already seen the truth in that sentence; but it took me another two years to fully realize that no matter how much you believe your future is set in stone, life always finds a way to surprise you. Sometimes the turn of events is pleasant, other times it can crush you.
Unfortunately, in my case it was the latter. I was 35 years old, with a recent infertility diagnosis and about to be divorced after a devastating breakup. I felt betrayed, sick and unable to move forward with my life. I needed help. I started therapy and began working on myself. My therapist quickly reminded me that even though what Jenny Holzer wrote on her art piece is true, I shouldn’t stop making plans and acting upon them, because it is one of my greatest strengths. This is how I built my life before my crisis and while not all of my plans worked, the majority of them did.
That’s when I stumbled upon a youtube video offering 8 clear steps on how to unfuck your life. The message, even though crude, was very fitting at the time. I have since found a few guides sharing similar tips to get out of the rut. Here’s my amalgamation of those tips, and what I found worked best for me.
The first key to success is actually allowing yourself to follow the steps one by one. Don’t try to jump headfirst and try to change everything at once: you will quickly find yourself overwhelmed and discouraged. This is the same mechanism that causes New Year’s resolutions to fail. Diet, working out or less screen time sound awesome, but most of us rarely last past January. Take your time and get comfortable with every step, especially if you feel you’re in crisis.
1) Take care of your body. Your body is you. It deserves to be healthy, clean, groomed and smelling nice. Make a point of taking a shower, brushing your teeth and making yourself presentable every morning. Outside of the obvious benefits, this also builds a routine and makes you ready to get up and go for any unexpected opportunities that might appear later during the day.
2) Take care of your surroundings. Clean and organize them. If this sounds overwhelming start small—clean your desk, your room, or the whole apartment if you have the strength. Do it once, but do it thoroughly, then try to maintain it. An organized space means more daily peace of mind.
3) Get outside. You don’t need a destination, just go for a walk. Go alone or with someone, in silence or with music. Go for a coffee or a hike. The goal here is to start moving and yes, making a habit of going outside.
4) Work out, run, cycle, or choose another sport. Something that gets your heartbeat up and makes you sweat. Build up your stamina and routines. Remember that slow and steady wins the race. While health benefits are paramount, you will equally benefit from the habit you’ll develop.
5) Remove your anchors. Try to get rid of anything that keeps you stuck or puts you at a disadvantage. Unhealthy addictions, habits, notifications, but also people or accounts you follow that annoy you. You cleaned your body, your immediate surroundings, now you are ready to take out the trash from your life.
6) Invest your resources. Monitor your time, attention and money. Use them wisely and spend them with purpose. Be aware of what is happening with your bank account and be ready to face the uncomfortable truth about your spending habits. Limit unnecessary expenses, cancel subscriptions, spend more resources on education and investments.
7) Plan. Have a plan for your day, week, month, year. It doesn’t matter if your plans come to fruition, just have something scheduled, something to work towards. Don’t just float through life—strategize instead. Be ready to accept an unexpected outcome.
8) Submit to action. If you planned something, go ahead and execute it. You scheduled an evening training? Don’t dwell on whether you have the energy, just grab your bag and go. You will quickly notice that acting removes excuses.
If these eight steps feel rather rudimentary, then that’s great! That means you probably already know them. I instinctively followed these steps for the most part of my life… and then forgot about them when I was in a crisis. I simply needed a reminder to rebuild myself from the ground up.
Plans will fail and change—that’s a fact. But when you build your foundation, alone or with some help, you create an unshakable base of habits and strength that you can rely on, even when everything else seems to fail.
