This story originally appeared on the Gents Cafe Newsletter. You can subscribe here.
I’m standing by a pile of borrowed Bee Suits in the middle of the countryside, and just 50 steps north of me, a hidden grove is filled with the gentle, busy buzzing of half a million bees. I’ve joined a local beekeepers society for the day, and despite having zero background or training, they’ve welcomed me with open arms.
A few years ago, I never would have had the confidence to be here; I’d’ve found an excuse not to show up or to even ask in the first place, but that has all changed since I’ve been working my way through 100 different challenges over four years, as part of Project Bucket List.
I used to think asking was an admission of failure, but I learned early on that you can’t live a full life by white-knuckling it and doing it alone.
Within the first few months of working through my bucket list, I started reaching out to people. Tentatively at first, I reached out to friends that I hadn’t spoken to in ages, and booked meetups and trips. While I expected to hear lukewarm “yeah, maybe,” I was instead met with real excitement. I realised that for many of my friends, we’d all been waiting on someone else to organise things.
From there, I contacted writers, nature enthusiasts, artists, winemakers, all experts in all different fields. I was amazed, people didn’t just say “yes”—they seemed thrilled to be asked! If someone is passionate about something, they love sharing that passion.
Understanding that it is a good thing to ask for help has been one of my greatest achievements over the last two years, and it’s helped me live a much more deliberate life. I’ve branched out and created a vast network of friends in different places, doing different things. It’s given me a real sense of community where I couldn’t see one before.
Now, when I’m going to explore something new as part of Project Bucket List, I’ll ask around for someone who might know how to do that thing, whether it be smithing or music. Sometimes it’s as simple as swapping skills or just showing up.
Most “self-reliance” is just refusing to ask, then calling it character. The real test of character is knowing how to ask for help.
This article is the second part of a series. You can ready the first part, Goal Setting as a Catalyst for Change, at this link
